Food and its provenance

We bought formula for Maia a couple of weeks ago. We haven't quite run out of frozen milk yet, but I'm still not pumping enough, and losing too much sleep to the evening amount I do get, and supplementing a couple of ounces' shortage is annoying with the 8-oz. bags we're freezing to avoid losing more than necessary to the bag, and she has an overnight with the mothers planned that will use up our stock. Eric's given her a couple of half-and-half bottles and she didn't even blink. Traitor.

I'm a little disappointed I'm not able to supply her fully, but it's not like we're switching her over entirely--she's only had a couple of ounces this week--and I decided that the difference between exclusive breastfeeding (other than all those solids she's now consenting to eat, as long as they have texture) and almost-entirely-breastfeeding is not worth losing any more sleep over. Particularly since one of the benefits of breastmilk, the immunologic properties, is pretty much negated in her bottles by the scalding anyway. And it's not like she's been sick a lot. If I hadn't had to throw out the backstock when we discovered the lipase problem, or if I'd been able to stay home another couple of weeks to build up more, or if she'd been my first child so I'd had more time at home to pump, or if I could stay home instead of working--well, then she'd be getting a few ounces more breastmilk every week rather than a few ounces of perfectly nutritious formula. And it's only going to cost us a few dollars before she's old enough to get cow's milk instead. So that's that.

As for Chloë: I made rosemary-artichoke hummus the other day, because I mentioned hummus and she was in favor of it, and a couple of nights ago when Eric was gone for the evening we had the leftovers for dinner, with carrots for me and chips for her (really a chip, until it breaks, as she uses them as spoons rather than food), and grapes and some Morningstar Farms "chicken" nuggets to round it out.

"I like hummus," she told me. "But it's spicy."

"It is spicy," I agreed. "That's because it's made with garlic. But that's part of why I like it."

"What is it made of?" she said, and by now I recognize this to mean "Tell me more," not "I didn't hear you the first time," so I said, "Well, it's made with garlic and chickpeas, and rosemary, and artichokes, and oil, and lemon juice, and a little salt."

"What are grapes made of?" she said.

"Grapes are just made of grapes. They grow," I explained. "You know how we grew tomatoes to eat? They grow like that."

"What are chicken nuggets made of?" she said, pointing to the one on my plate.

I hesitated. "Well, there are two kinds of chicken nuggets. This kind is not really chicken; we just call it that. It's made of vegetables and flour. Then there are the real chicken nuggets, and they're just made of chickens." (I forgot the coating, I guess.)

She nodded knowledgeably and went on eating. I inquired, "Do you know what chicken is? Roosters and hens like in the Our Town book?"

She nodded again and said nothing, so I went back to eating myself. I guess it's not time for the "we eat animals" talk yet.

Meat and greet

Last night Chloë had her first taste of turkey. "What does she think?" I called from the kitchen.

"I don't know," Eric said. "I don't think she knows either." I came into the dining room. Chloë had a peculiar look on her face. "It's not the outright rejection that the green beans got, but she's not eager for it either."

He spooned a little more into her mouth. She rolled it around, looking dubious. "It's even more ambivalent than her reaction to the beef," he said. He stopped spooning, and she darted her head forward, grabbing his wrist; but when he offered more turkey she screwed up her face in perplexity.

I got a whiff of the turkey and muttered, "Cat food," to Eric, and he muttered back, "Stop it." But Chloë seemed to share my opinion: she likes the act of eating, but she didn't like having the turkey actually in her mouth. She didn't reject it, but she didn’t seem to know what to make of it. I've been a vegetarian so long that in some ways I don't really think of meat as food anymore. Maybe since she didn't get any in utero, she wasn't prepared to accept it as food either and was wondering why we were offering her this weird non-food item at mealtime.

Or maybe she just needs to get used to it. I ate plenty of green beans while pregnant and she downright hates those.

Unused diapers don't go bad, do they?

I was reading on the bed last night and rolled over onto my stomach without thinking, the first time I've done that in weeks, and my abdomen felt exactly like it contained a larger version of that little bubble of water you get in a ripe blister--which, you know, as Eric said, duh, but it was a very strange feeling.

I went to the my new midwife group yesterday for my first appointment with them. It went very well; I liked the people I met and it felt pretty much like any other doctor's office except friendlier, and my old office did transfer over my records like they were supposed to (except for possibly the mandatory gonorrhea check that I certainly remember the nurse telling me she was going to do, way back when--they don't seem to have the results on file anywhere). They gave me a new goody bag (with a diaper sample from 2007) and a bunch of information on preterm labor; at 22 weeks apparently I'm past the word miscarriage.

According to their scale I need to cut back on the chocolate and the peanut butter toast (I don't think the oranges would make me gain quite that much, though I admit there have been an awful lot of them), but according to ours at home I'm doing fine, so it may just be a calibration issue--we'll see how the next weighing goes. I mentioned being a vegetarian, and the nurse said "What kind?" and the midwife said, "Do you know how to make complex proteins?" (she meant complete) and I said yes and that was that. They measured my fundal height (21 cm), which was new, and listened to the heartbeat (145 bpm), and everything continues to be delightfully average and boring.

They called me later that afternoon to say that they'd gone over my ultrasound records and there was a note that the technician hadn't gotten a good view of the spine, which they like to get as part of their anatomy survey. We took home what looked like a perfectly nice picture of the spine, so I don't know what they needed unless the technician just forgot to write down the relevant data or something, but they asked me to go in Friday for a second ultrasound to get it. It'll be interesting to see the three weeks' difference in L.E.O.'s growth--according to pregnancy.org, she was about eight ounces at nineteen weeks and should be close to a pound now, a doubling of her body weight. Suddenly that extra chocolate-induced weight on me doesn't sound so bad.

A meatless pregnancy

I know I'm going to have to write about this sooner or later: my state of being vegetarian while pregnant. So far nobody has voiced an objection; Mom has mentioned it, but only in an "I-can't-feed-you-oxtail-soup-so-we'll-have-to-use-seaweed-instead" sort of way, and Eric's only concern is making sure I get enough protein when all that's been sounding good to me lately is fruit and crackers. (So far, peanut butter toast has been my great friend, plus the occasional oatmeal with Craisins and walnuts or almonds. Cheese is decidedly iffy, but I've had a little bit here and there. When I get my appetite back I'll be able to work my usual beans/lentils/whole grains/nuts/seeds/dairy combinations. Incidentally, multi-grain Wheat Thins taste much better than Saltines and work just as well.) I think they both realize that I've been a vegetarian for thirteen years and I pretty much know what I'm doing by now. I'm not sure how my in-laws feel about it, since they're not used to having a vegetarian around, but presumably they're not violently opposed or I'd have heard about it.

I've been looking online for stories from other women, other pregnant vegetarians. There are a couple, but not many. There are stories about vegetarians who craved meat during pregnancy (so far looking very unlikely for me) and stories about non-vegetarians who couldn't stomach meat during pregnancy. There's lots of advice, mainly: it's perfectly healthy IF you're careful and plan your meals meticulously...notwithstanding that meat does not automatically equal healthy and many non-vegetarian women, I suspect, could benefit from meal planning as well.

I considered talking to my doctor about it, but from what she said during my first visit to her I don't think she knows any more, or even as much, about a vegetarian diet than I do. I told her we were going to start trying for a baby and asked how she felt about my being vegetarian during it; she said, "You eat cheese and eggs, right?" I nodded, and she said, "Then it's fine."

The thing is, it's perfectly possible to have a healthy vegan (no dairy or eggs) pregnancy. (Ask the ADA.) I'm not going to unless L.E.O. forces me (perhaps he/she will inflict a vegan diet on the masses in the first days of world conquest to instill fear in his/her followers?), but I wouldn't be afraid of it either, just watchful about vitamin B-12. I can get that, protein, iron, calcium, DHA/omega-3 fats, zinc, and all the other things the general public fears are missing from a vegetarian diet, and I can get them in sufficient quantities to keep both me and my parasite going. (And of course I take a supplement.) I'm perfectly well aware that I need a balanced diet, possibly more so than some non-vegetarian women, and I know enough about nutrition to get it.

I'm waiting to see whether anybody wants to argue with me about it. Bracing for it, marshaling my arguments. I'm almost hoping for it, so I can prove I know what I'm doing...but if people just assume it, that's fine too.