Sunday, March 22, 2009

Wakeups and warmups

I woke up crying this morning. I had just finished a very sad dream (which had nothing to do with L.E.O., incidentally; I'm not so sure my subconscious knows I'm pregnant), but the feeling of sadness persisted long after I realized I had only been dreaming and tried to think of more cheerful things. I'm inclined to think that my hormone levels had shifted during the night, and I'd had the dream as a consequence of already being sad, not the other way around. It's very interesting to feel emotions and know that they're caused by my internal workings rather than my reactions to events or memories; interesting, but not comfortable.

The dream was about death, and it also occurred to me that maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something, so I laid in bed with my hand pressed to my abdomen until I felt a couple of L.E.O.'s movements. These have been changing, growing both more strong and more diffuse--I'm not always positive that they're not just uterine muscle contractions. (Or maybe they're my muscles contracting in response to being kicked.) I looked up week 22 (which we're just starting) this morning, and the Mayo Guide says of this month in general, "You'll probably feel your baby's first kicks. These are a far cry from the fluttery, butterflies-in-the-stomach movements of last month." It also says that around 22 weeks I may start experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions, which are painless, "warm-up" contractions, also called false labor. I don't think that's what's going on, since it says they're easy to mistake for real contractions and I never had any impression that that might be what was happening, but things are definitely warming up down there.

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