Thursday, January 22, 2009

The blame game

I've been noticing I'm a lot more teary these days. I'm not any sadder; I'm just closer to tears. The "As Your Baby Grows" magazine I got as part of my first-visit goody bag says this is perfectly normal, probably partly due to hormones, but "a bigger reason" is that it's a momentous transition I'm going through here. Which certainly feels true to me. I don't know all the ways in which my life is going to change in about six months, but I know that it is, and I don't know if I'm ready. I'm definitely not sure I’m ready to be a mother. "I'm blaming you," I told Eric when I was complaining about some oddly bad nausea yesterday.

"How does that work?" he said.

"I figure your genes incompatible with mine and my body's rejecting them and that's why I feel bad."

"But half of the genes are yours."

"So they should be perfectly fine inside my body."

"So your nausea is my fault?"

"Yes! I'm practicing to be a mother! By blaming the father!"

3 comments:

Bev said...

I think this fear comes from that realization that instead of just screwing up your own life you now have the potential to screw up someone elses. Just the thought makes me tearful.

Just remember how much our parents screwed us up and we're still functioning near normal socially...sort-of.

Wait...they aren't reading this - are they?

Jenny said...

Well...you remember how you once posted to the family newsgroup thinking you were writing only to me and talked about being drunk? It's just like that. :)

Dad said...

Take all the advice you can get. Plant it and wisdom grows.

I can think of no one I'd trust my grandchildren with more than you all.